It be like that sometimes

I've had a rough morning that started with sleeping through my alarm and missing Phoebe's bus.

Fortunately, we have a functioning car and her hair was fine enough from being braided the night before that I didn't bother with fixing it today and she got to school in time for breakfast.

Then I had a fight with Iris about whether or not she had to go to school. This is a complex problem involving forms and school officials and stuff and sometimes results in lots of emotional words between us.

This was all before coffee.

Fortunately, both the nurse and the attendance office at THIS school are super awesome, understanding, patient, and helpful. They were not at the other school. Iris is home and sleeping, which is honestly the best thing for her right now.

It's fine. It's all fine.

And I don't mean that in an "everything around me is literally on fire" sort of way, it really is fine. It was rough, but everything got handled and ended up okay.

Ultimately, this is my mental health goal right here: To be able to handle it when things go awry and to not ugly cry in the car at what a terrible parent/wife/person/friend I am. I'm not. I'm fine at these things, I just am a fallible human person and heck things up sometimes. For someone with OCD, that's a big statement.

This week, I replaced the side mirrors on our old car because literally all the mirrors fell off the car. I found a tutorial video, found the parts, bought the parts, installed the mirrors, and was able to run the errand I'd meant to run earlier in the week and get some fleece on mega sale.

I did not angrily sell the car for scrap and cry at our savings account. I handled it.

If this ain't a metaphor...

Being able to handle stuff when it goes awry doesn't come to me naturally. I take an antidepressant and I've practice mindfulness for yyyyeeeeaaarrrrrsssss. It's work. It's constant work. I'm working at it right now in this very second because there's a very big rut in my neural pathways that wants to react in an unhelpful way. There's no one fix and even when you find the best possible combination of things that help, you still have to work at your mental health, but that work has a huge payoff. I'm not as productive today as I'd be if my morning had gone more smoothly, but I'm also a thousand percent more productive than I would be if I were gross crying in a blanket fort, so there you have it.

Today hasn't been great, but it be like that sometimes.

Take care of yourself today. Get good sleep, eat a vegetable, take your meds and vitamins, do a meditate, pet something soft, look at pictures of kittens, do whatever you have to do to prioritize your mental and physical health.

Here are some pictures of Toast and Rufus to get you started:

What Do Plan?

So, last week, my fronds and I talked about why we spend time, money, and energy on planners and planning. A lot of the answer involved a deep love of stickers, but certainly not all of it. This week is about what, exactly, we plan for and about:

What are the actual things you want planners/planning and journals for and to keep up with?

Central to my planning efforts is the To Do: list. This is absolutely necessary if I'm going to remember any dang thing I want or need to do in a day. This week, I'm also doing a "Ta Da!" list to give myself space to write down the things I've done. A Ta Da! list is 100% valid as a motivational tool and I highly encourage its use.

The list stays VERY SHORT, much like myself, because too long of a list is not only not doable, but can be overwhelming in such a way that gets nothing done. As you can see, today's theme is tidying up, which is a typical Monday thing for me to do. There are things on the list that aren't tidying up, but that's also fine. I want to focus on having a clean space to work, but I also need to do some of that work in between sweeping up half a dog and a quarter of a cat and recycling approximately five tons of paper.

I also like to keep track of my current projects and various classes and things I'm doing. Each project gets a little sticker next to it if I work on it and seeing everything all lined up helps me focus on what I've already started. I like finishing stuff and though some things are on this list for months and months and months without being worked on (peach jam, quilt blocks), this helps me see how many metaphorical tabs I have open in my brain.

I do put errands in the bottom left corner there, but I don't have anything out in the world to do right this minute. I like having a place for those, though.

A list of things I need to remember to get at the store is necessary if anyone wants to eat a decent meal. Last week, wet cat food didn't make it on the list, but cereal, eggs, honey, an air filter, and marshmallows did. Poor Toast is just going to have to do with just dry food until next week, but wet food already on this week's list.

Additionally, some parts of my day are blocked out as a reminder to get some stuff done before Bu gets home, when dinner needs to be every day, and when to pick Iris up from whatever it is she's doing. These things happen more or less at the same time each day every week and I have alarms set for some of it, but it does help to have the visual reminder as well. I use the "Good Things That Happened" box because joy and gratitude are important and good for your brain and sometimes, when I feel like it, I write a couple sentences about my day.

I'd like to do more tracking for things like water and other healthy habits, but I've not been very consistent with that in the past. My guess is that it's an issue with the "You're not my real dad!" part of my brain that resists authority more than any kind of sticker or section in my planner that is or isn't there.

Over here is Bekah's answer to this question. She takes a more philosophical approach to the question, I think, and also has an actual paid job out in the world to contend with, so what she plans is going to be different.

Plannering

Why is it that some of us spend lots of money, time, and energy on the act of planning, on planning for planning, and on planners themselves?  

The short answer is that I've got a lot going on and I need to keep track of who is doing what when and for how many pennies.

The real answer involves something between "I really like stickers," and "It's a manifestation of cognitive labor that women are constantly asked to do and I might as well have nice pens to do it with."

I really do like stickers, though. While my sticker collection is nowhere near as voluminous or organized as it was when I was in grade school, I have enough to be going on with and a place to put them. I'm not going to psychoanalyze why I like stickers. I just do. Stickers are great. Some of them are shiny.

For me, a sometimes helpful side effect of having OCD is that I'm super good at organizing things and physically writing stuff down in my own hand helps me visualize where all the pieces go. Usually, there's a daily to do list, a running list of projects I've got going on, a list of this week's errands, and a list of things I need to remember to go out and buy. Fortunately, my planner is a place where OCD has taught me to organize information, but not a place where OCD brain takes over and tries to organize things within an inch of my life. Often, my planner is a place to doodle and take notes about how my day or week went. Today I'll be writing "Sick Day" over most of the morning chunk and not worry about it. Some days are just like that. Yesterday, I did a "Ta Da!" list instead of to do list and wrote down all the things I'd done instead of all the things I intended to do. I'm inconsistent, is what I'm saying, but I know I have a framework upon which to build tomorrow or next week or next month. I write myself motivational notes, I draw pictures, sketch out diagrams of quilt blocks, keep track of which Delphic Maxims I've already done, and so on. I have approximately a bazillion things in my head and having them on paper helps me deal with them all.

I could do this with a spiral notebook, sure, but my Passion Planner has a structure and layout that I like as well as questions to help me be a better me and excellent motivational quotes that get me thinking. Ultimately, that's what I want: to be a better me. A planner isn't a magic bullet that will launch me to success and awesomeness, but it can be a good tool to help me keep from forgetting that I need soy milk and dog food or that this one has practice and that one has an appointment and I really want to finish that thing I'm working on. I'm the one who has to remember the things, sdo if I'm going to do the cognitive labor, I'm gonna do it in shiny marker and unicorn stickers.

We also have Star Wars sheets on our bed because what the &$#% is the point of being a grownup if you have to give up something that brings you some joy. If I have a shiny rainbow unicorn sticker to help me remember to pay my mortgage, my mortgage still gets paid.

Check out here and here for answers to this same question from my two best buds.

I'm not dead yet

It me.

The start of school is usually a lot of a lot and I'm moving from just observation to some actual teaching. I taught my first class yesterday and sort of did a mediocre job of it. I don't think I failed outright, but I wasn't 100% happy with it. I sort of know where I need to improve, which is what practice is all about. My main concern is whether I messed up the kids and I don't think I did, but I'm not sure I was terribly helpful to them either. I'll get better at it. 

This was a fun lesson, though. We did a murder mystery themed activity, so I got to be the dead body and make some fake vomit. 

We put chunks in it.

Setting up the lab was a blast. 

There's also a bunny. His name is Biscuit and he's a cute little bun-bun. My favorite thing so far is when a student comes to ask me a question and I know the things and how to tell them the things. Lectures are hard and it's hard when a student is struggling and just doesn't get it, but the good moments more than make up for it. 

Also, I made a thing. Bu wanted a "toy holder" out of plarn, so I made her a toy holder out of plarn using one of those little pot holder looms. I've got some bread bags awaiting similar treatment, but I'm going to try to catch up on Husband's Crackerjack scarf first. I'm up to about the middle of April right now, so I'm fairly far behind as far as the baseball season goes. On the other hand, it's my kitchen table knitting now, which will hopefully translate to regular progress. 

The news is awful just now and there are a lot of people being horrible on the internet about the things that are already awful. Don't be that guy. Be nice, be helpful, be courteous and compassionate. 

Kindness is not weakness. 

Review: Nature's Recipe Grain-Free dog food

This is Rufus.

Rufus' favorite activities include:

• Sleeping
• Resting
• Relaxing
• Snurfling/ Snorting
• Digging and nosing around in blankets
• Getting loved on
• Eating dinner

Occasionally, he also likes to stretch out right next to where I'm sitting and have a nice fart. And by "nice," I mean "violates the Geneva Convention's prohibition against chemical weapons." It's not his fault; everybody farts. We received a free sample of Nature's Recipe Easy to Digest Grain-free dog food (small breed version, because he's a little dude) and, as it turns out, the "easy to digest" claim seems to be pretty accurate. His little doggie tum-tum bacteria seem to prefer whatever is (or isn't) in Nature's Recipe. 

It is more expensive than his regular kibble and doesn't come in a weight-loss formula, which are the only drawbacks. He seems to like it at least as well as his regular stuff and dinnertime is still his most favorite time in the whole wide day. 

🌞🌞🌞🌞☼ 4/5 sunshines; would go again

Review: Horizon Organic Good & Go Snack Trays

Author's note:

So, Kroger's sends me free samples and asks that I give an honest review in exchange for more free samples and pretend internet points. A blog post is more internet points than other social media things and one of my hopes is that I can trick myself into blogging more about yarn as well. They sent  me free coffee once and I am easily plied by free coffee. Anyway, I'm going to be 100% honest about my reviews and I'll try not to be obnoxious about it.

Horizon Organic Good & Go Snack Trays
The girls are always asking me for snacks. They're always hungry because growing takes a lot of energy, whether you're 15 or 4. Both were enthusiastic about both the shelf-stable chocolate milk we received and the snack trays. They split the chocolate milk and each had a different flavor of snack tray. Everything was gone in about two seconds, which means they were either very hungry, the snacks were very tasty, or a combination of the two. The littlest said, "Oh boy, pretzels!" and promptly devoured hers. The big kid ate hers on the bus ride home and reported that "Yeah, it was pretty good," which is high praise from a teenager. I have no doubt as to the quality of the products and really like shelf-stable milk as an option to include with lunches.

As with any certified organic product, these tend to be more expensive than the conventional counterpart. While that's the only drawback, it tends to often be a prohibitive one when feeding two kids. They run about $2, more or less, and if I bought enough for five lunches for two kids, that's $20. My budget-minded self is more inclined to go about the pretzels-and-cheese sort of snack in a more economical way, slicing the cheese and measuring out the pretzels myself. You can't beat it for convenience and quality, though. I could see myself buying these more regularly, given a larger grocery budget.

🌞🌞🌞🌞⛅ 4.5/5 sunshines

Love is love is love

I've been running around like the proverbial poultry sans noggin, trying to keep up with the slings and arrows of life with mixed success.

In short, one of the cars died and I'm playing taxi more than usual. It's exhausting.

I did get this done, though, and it was well-received by the eldest child. I feel pretty good about finishing before she actually went to college and I hope it keeps her warm for many, many years. Now it's her little sister's turn and I've only got a few blocks done. I'm hoping that one doesn't take fifteen years, but I don't think it will. I have a pretty good finishing strategy now that mainly involves actually working on it.

Love is love is love...

I couldn't have said it better.

Next up is a short story I'm working on about a boy and his first crush. My plan is to offer it for a buck or two and send the proceeds to PFLAG because I don't have much to give, but I have art to share. It's being tweaked and edited and I have to figure out how to get it to you, but it's nearly done.