Monday, January 12, 2009

Llama and the illusion of control

I have this llama fleece, right? There are parts of it that are really really soft, but there are a lot of guard hairs in it and a goodly amount of VM. I could try to picky-picky through it and make a big mess trying to remove these imperfections, but I'm not going to. It is what it is. One big thing I've learned in the past few years is to let go of the illusion of control and I think my spinning skills have improved because of that. When I first started spinning, it was very even, very thin, and very tight and now it's a little lumpy, a little thicker, and a little less tightly wound. Just like me. Well, I'm not really any lumpier or thicker, but I am less tightly wound. Anyhow, I like the yarn better that way and I like me better that way.
I have this stupid broken bit in my brain that is very confused about the right order of things. That part of my brain is convinced that I can have control over every single little detail I touch, up to and including every single fiber being spun into yarn. I don't listen to it as often as I used to and it seems the less I listen to it and the more I let go of this idea of control, the easier things are. They yarn is lovlier and I'm happier.
So, I'm going to let this llama be what it is. It's llama with VM and guard hairs in it. I'm considering making a stuffy llama out of it so it won't be something worn next to the skin, but whatever I decide to make, I'm going to try to do something that appeals to the nature of the yarn rather than forcing it into something that isn't going to make me happy.
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